Be Independent And Emancipate Yourself

There is a lot more to domestic violence that people often overlook. I have realised that many times when one talks about domestic violence, people  have got this picture of a battered woman who would have been heavily assaulted yet domestic violence does not only entail physical abuse.  Emotional abuse is another form of domestic abuse. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. Emotional abuse is often overlooked, funny enough even by the person who is being abused largely because they won’t be aware that it is abuse that is being exerted on them.

We then now have to help each other about the signs of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behaviour also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you don’t do what they want. Many at times if one is emotionally abused there is so much fear in them and now l am wondering...why should you be afraid of someone who is intimate to you and more so someone you love?

Let me bring into light to you that if your partner wants to behave like a God to you, intimidates you, makes you feel inferior, each time you see him you shiver then that enough evidence that he is abusing you. 

I am not saying you should distance yourself from that kind of a person but you certainly have to do something, maybe you are dependent and that is why he is treating you the way he is treating you...then you have to do something.

Dont Be Dependent, By So Doing You Avail Yourself To Emotional Abuse...

Domestic Violence Affects Children's Behaviours

"There is absolutely no problem in beating up your wife, our fathers used to do it. That's a proper way to 'tame' your wife," says Henry

Henry (real man withheld) is one of the men who believe women are wild therefore the wildness needs to be taken away through beating.

He says he grew up in an environment where there was no peace. He recalls how his father used to beat up his mother in the presence of the children. Henry says the experience traumatised him and to him it ended up being normal.

His father would beat up his mother and he does not remember any day when his mother ran away from her marriage. To Henry, it was a way of making sure a woman is upright. Hence when he wants to correct his wife, beating her up is the best solution.

Depressed child. Source- google images

I have then come to a conclusion that an environment has the power to influence one’s behaviour. When children live with domestic and family violence, they are experiencing trauma. It can be trauma which is ongoing and long-lasting and this affects every part of their functioning. The effects build up over time, and can impact on every aspect of their life. Even in schools, children living with domestic violence can be seen harassing their fellows. For them, beating up someone is the ideal way to correct someone. 

Domestic Violence affects children especially their behaviours – they can act out, over-react, be hostile, impulsive, aggressive or defiant. They can also withdraw or dissociate or run away. All these behaviours can be normal to children who have been traumatised by family domestic violence, and do not mean the children have ‘disorders’. 

 I guess for parents, it is certainly not in your interest to raise depressed children. Live in peace and harmony so that your children behave in a rational manner wherever they go. As they grow, let them know that violence is bad and they will not be violent to anyone.

Apart from affecting their behaviors, it affects their relationships with others, emotions and development. If a child grows up in an environment of fights, they will equally fight others where they go because to them peace is foreign. 

May peace prevail in your families; let it not be a foreign phenomenon to your home.

Sometimes Patience Does Not Pay

Sarah tells her story of how she had a miscarriage

My husband started behaving strange when l got pregnant with our third child. Everytime he came from work, he will find something to blame on me. Sometimes he would complain about how l would have cooked food and will go on to refuse eating. I remember, the other day l had not cooked because there was no electricity and there was no other source of energy l could use, it was hell for me that night. I was heavily beaten in front of our two children. It was around 10 pm when all that happened, l cried for help but that did not help because he had locked the door such that l could not go out and no one could come in to rescue me. 

With bruises all over my body, the next morning l went to report to my aunty who then advised me not to report him to the police. The best she did was to escort me back to my house telling me that l had to be patient and learn to endure. She told me “marriage is a school where we encounter even the worst challenges but all we need is to be strong and patient enough as women”

My aunty tells me “that is normal in marriage” and goes on to narrate how her husband used to beat her up before he passed away and that she never opted to quit. By so doing she was trying to stress her point that l am not the first and the only one in that situation. She tells me “marriage is not easy my daughter, every marriage has got its own challenges but “ukubekezela kuqakathekile” meaning (patience is very important). Had l known that the worst was coming, l should not have gone back to that house. To me marriage was hell, well for some it was bliss. 

I was five months pregnant when l had a miscarriage. My husband had not been home for two consecutive days and upon asking where he had been we had a long argument before he bashed me with bench and l can also remember him kicking me several times. We had been having fights but that was the worst of all. All l remember is that l saw myself at Mpilo Hospital not knowing how l got there and that is how l lost my baby......the one l never got a chance to hold with my hands.

There was no reason of going back to that house; l went back to my people with my two children..... went back home a bitter woman though. As l speak l am a bitter woman,  the experience of losing a baby l had not yet held in my arms was painful and is still painful.

End

Honestly, women it is time to rise up together and say No To Violence.

Sarah’s husband should not have gone to that extent and  such man must not be tolerated in the society. Justice should be accordingly delivered to them. Sometimes patience does not pay, let it be applied where it is necessary. Why should you be patient when the worst has already been done to you. One might want to say it is a bad advice, but women l plead with you with all the strands in my body, if a man continues to abuse you, pack what is yours and run with you dear life. For Sarah’s aunty abuse is normal.....let it not be normal to you....run with your precious life

Early Marriages And Poverty : Major Drivers Of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is when one partner in an intimate relationship abuses the other. The abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional or a combination of all three.
While women are most commonly the victims of their male partners, domestic violence can happen between all sorts of people and in all sorts of relationships. It happens between people who are married and between people who aren’t living together. It can be abuse by a man against a woman, or by a woman against a man. It can occur in gay or lesbian relationships.


Of interest is the fact that it had always been known that men are the perpetrators and there has been a sudden shift, women are now doing strange things at homes. We have read stories about women beating up husbands, women stabbing husbands to death and a lot more weird acts. In every newspaper, you will not miss a story surrounding domestic violence. On a daily basis, in civil courts they are singing the same old song….. domestic violence, domestic violence and domestic violence. What do you think are the major drivers of domestic violence?

Simba

I think poverty is one of the drivers of domestic violence, usually if a man fails to make ends meet, women get frustrated and the fight begins. Some women lack patience, they cannot stand financial challenges at homes.

Caston

I blame early marriages for domestic violence at homes. Some people get married whilst they are not yet ready and because of that conflicts are bound to occur at homes.

Donna

There are so many causes of domestic violence and these include insecurity within a marriage set up. Usually men are the ones who are insecure; if a man has a beautiful wife at the back of his mind is that his wife is on demand and because of that he starts abusing the wife…….interesting!!!

Tsitsi

I personally think differences in the educational level also contribute to domestic violence. If a highly educated man marries a woman who did not go far in terms of education they are likely to abuse the woman. Once a person feels inferior to someone then they are automatically vulnerable to abuse.

Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence and anyone can be the perpetrator.

Women Protect Abusive Husbands

On the 19^th of February 2015 the Chronicle read more carried a story under the headline Women protect abusive husbands where traditional leaders in Plumtree raised concerns over domestic violence cases that were withdrawn saying it was disturbing the justice delivery system.read more

Chief Bango of Mangwe District said some women were endangering themselves by pardoning criminals who commit serious offences.

“Victims are protecting lawless people and by so doing, they are promoting lawlessness in communities,” he said.

Chief Masendu of Bulilima District said most cases of domestic violence that are kept as secrets end in tragedy. From the story, different women filed cases of abuses and later withdrew the charges for different reasons. A 35-year old woman pleaded with the court to release her husband after he had been sentenced to six months imprisonment for assaulting her. In a separate incident, another woman recently filed a report against her abusive husband after he had threatened to stab her and his three-year old step daughter.

I am thinking.......my husband is the breadwinner if l report him, he gets a six months sentence, how will l then survive with the children and if l conceal this.... what if l get killed.

Domestic violence has got far reaching consequences, despite of the fact that the man is the breadwinner if he is abusive let him be reported and be severely dealt with.

Man beating up his wife

For women, if you were the victim were you going to report your husband after being abused? Lets discuss.

Dear reader, l am glad to welcome you to this blog where we will be discussing issues to do with domestic violence. The whole idea of this blog is to discuss the possible drivers of domestic violence, its consequences and the solutions to this animal called domestic violence. On this forum we will be reviewing domestic violence stories from the newspapers, your views matter most, so lets talk about it.



All we are doing is taking action against domestic violence.